Can't seem to let you go...

I'm trying my utmost best not to face the reality that you're not by my side anymore, i really need divine intervention. If our lives are so short then why won't you let me love you... Please do not cite my race as a reason cause if you did really love me then i don't see a reason why what your parents think should change your feelings for me... I just wanna run back into yr arms dear girl, if you'd only know how much i wanna be by your side... Always reminiscing the times we've spent together... I've fallen so hard for you, that its so very hard to let go, i know you don't understand. Well i don't blame you.

I guess its my fault i should not have exposed my heart to you.. I won't make that same mistake again... I've kept my emotions in check for so long but you've made me so very vulnerable again... I 've sent you so many msgs only to be replied in your silence,which is quite painful if you don't know, what did i ever do to you to warrant such treatment? Don't i even deserve a bit of respect? I've never treated you badly or anything... I just made the mistake of loving you...

Maybe you don't see the point of replying my msgs, you probably think its better to keep quiet... But it hurts like hell, my heart aches... Everyday i pray that my phone rings and that your name appears on my display and that you tell me that you'll take me back...

Well have fun, you're probably seeing other guys anyway so have loads of fun ok... Wish i could step off this ledge and just forget but memories of you i just don't wanna let go...

My little darling.. Ain't she the cutest!!

Oh my god, this girl is like so cute... i'm in love with her.. haha : ] Well i'll just watch it to destress from now onwards... whenever i start to think to much this girl will be my life buoy... I dun't know her personally thou..

Happy deepavali

Well for those who do not know what deepavali is well don't ask me, for i always seem to stupefy. You could say that i've been celebrating this festival for 20++ years now but i don't really know what it actually signifies. Well let me think, its actually called the festival of lights and it signifies the defeat of good over evil, where a demon is slayed and so lamps are lit to celebrate this victory.. well i'm celebrating everyday here man, my lights are always on demonslayer, so well done dude.

But i dun really understand the concept here... well who gives a damn. Its not even a new year and i thought new years are supposed to be like the grand ones.. Cause according to the indian calender there is a certain date for the indian new year, just that i don't know when...

Anyway back to my life, i don't really believe in anything, so i just join in the merry making... by
right i'm a catholic cause of my dad but my mums a hindu... so where does that leave me? My mums the one that takes care of me and my 2 siblings as my parents are divorced and my dads run off after some bitch... I'm not really a firm believer of either but i won't say i'm a non believer... i just think that there is a godly being out there, so sometimes i just say a prayer to "god" whoever and wherever he is...

But like i say i just join in the merry making, anyway deepavali brings about the fact that you have to spend money on new clothes, groceries and bla bla bla... i wish i had money to give to my mum. i'm freaking 23 but i'm still living off her, i feel like a bum. I don't really take money from her i just ask for transportation allowance the rest comes from my part time job. One day i hope i can be financially free, so god i hope you read this : ]

Anyway my mum decided upon herself to get me clothes and mum i love you lots but please do not shop for me haha cause i think that all 4 pieces are quite bad.. well theres one thing i like to do is to don nice clothes and dress well... i know thats bad, guess its just the thing about looking good and fitting in...

anyway boring day... wanted to call her again.. haha yes my dear ms chai, still missing you baby... Like i said there are only 2 times that i've really cried and felt this way in my life one is when my dad left me and the other is when you left me... so i hope you know what you really mean to me cause i've never felt this way about a girl before...

Cruising speed...

Well things are picking up at school and i'm trying to keep myself occupied so that my mind does not wander off and start thinking about her... I guess i'm just trying to force myself into thinking that she'll be back someday, well will she? or is she already dating other guys? She said that she just wants to concentrate on her studies, well tell me who doesn't want to do well? I also want to do well and i believe that we can still be together and motivate each other on... But i guess you're just giving me excuses to break it off... Sorry to be dwelling on this, guess this is the only output for me...

Anyway as i said things are picking up in school and assignments are starting to find their way to me. I can say that i'm struggling a bit in maths.. well actually basically every subject... I need to buck up but i can say that i'm finding it difficult to motivate myself...

time to buck up....

How to keep your woman happy...

This is just an email i received from a friend, which i think is quite funny...

Check it out : Link

So it looks like my woman has left me due to my inability to follow some of these tips. :[

pour mon cher narcissus...

Baby you mean the world to me and i just can't see us apart...
and no matter what you do you're still holding on to my heart...
my world is about to collapse being built around you...
i have never needed anyone so much like the way i need you...

I want to be by your side in everything that you do...
cause i love you so, you know its true...
I just can't live without you, and i want you to know...
i need you like i have never needed anyone before...

P.S : je vous aimer toujours mon cher narcissus, veuillez revenir à moi...

Where is my angel?

They say there are angels everywhere.... So where is mine?

I could really do with an angel right about now, so god send me an angel. Send me someone to guide me and show me the way cause the roads that i'm walking are all winding, never ending and the lights are so blinding that i know not where i'm headed...

I'm just so lost and helpless and losing my strength, i'm trying to put on this brave front but i don't know if i can do this much longer. I just wanna run, keep on running, as far away as possible. A safe haven where i can just lie and forget about everything, but can i really forget? For whenever i'm alone i tend to think, if i can just wipe you out from my memory. Just like the movie, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, but they still ended up together. I just want to run back into your arms and fall in love with you all over again, i wish you would just take me back... I really can't get it, all those times you whispered those words to me and you're just letting go just like that i don't know how you can do it... Unless it was all just not true, i'm just so hung up over you girl, you probably don't understand what i'm going through here.

So heavens above, i'm waiting for my angel...

Part-timing

Well Chef shawn's in the house... Started working part time in the kitchen at a restaurant at clarke quay. Its quite fun and i enjoy myself, i guess thats what you're looking for in a job. Whats even better is that i don't have to spend a cent on lunch or drinks.

Anyway been working for 2 days now and it has been a brand new experience. Basically i deal with the deserts and salads... And i do other stuff like fish and chips, oysters, calamari and stuff like that... The oysters were quite a challenge, i was struggling to get them open, but after a few struggles i finally mastered the technique.

Anyway i'm getting quite paranoid, i'm starting to imagine things.. Things like seeing you with other guys, i'm even having nightmares about it... God help me please, i just can't take this shit anymore...

Being a sentimental person that i am, i can help it but linger on your pictures that i have on my laptop. Wonderful moments captured in that instant, moments that will last forever. I'm just upset that we don't really have any pictures together. Thou i know having memories can be painful, i cherish the moments that i have spent with you... Unlike your apparent approach of choosing to forget the existence of a certain me.

You could say my tears are drying up now, thou i don't know if i can ever really forget. I really thought that you were the one that was meant for me and now you've left me and there seems to be nothing that i can say or do...