In need of divine intervention... why can't my life be steady just for a few months... Its constantly crumbling... The foundations were never set.. and its so hard... where do i start... God please help me... Send me an angel..

Set me free...

Things seem so much easier when we were kids.. but now the heart is so weary and grows tired as days go by... I wanna release all these weights on my heart and hold my head high again.. As we grow older our body gets poisoned with all the greed and corrupt of the world we live in... Can i please have my innocence back...

Television is filled with it is it not? Every sec, every ad is it not filled with scantily clad women? Ok now i'm drifting towards sex and its evilness.... Did it all start with adam and eve? Now we see mnc's using sex to sell and the fact that it works speaks wonders about our world. Scantily clad women making men wanna see more - well thats how our minds works doesn't it.. when we see women dressing up so provocatively what do you really want? you wanna see more don't you and you get the porn industry thriving on this.

Making use of that urge men get and what does porn do.. it has enslaved millions... Some may think that it may be just harmless but it couldn't be further from the truth.. Porn leads to so many other things and reading some articles online i've come to realise that people are suffering and it has become an addiction w/o some people even realising it.. just like that alcholic in that bar,Porn has come to that stage were an addict just needs to get his / her quick fix and goes online and the ease and anonymity of getting it has made it even more intoxicating to many...

I must admit i've watched Porn as well, so well most guys have and i'm really sure if i've met one who hasn't been exposed to nudity and sex... is there someone so pure still out there? I hope that internet providers do more to wipe out the dirt or at least provide more secure ways of surfing the net... i read an article on starhub blocking a couple of sites but there are millions of others and its really not hard to find them.. So i hope they do more..

Well you ladies still wanna be objectified? potrayed as sex objects? =]

Its been a while since my last emo- posting so i guess i should do one about now.. Anyways my late brothers would have been 19th birthday just passed.. and went down to the columbarium where his ashes were held.. Got him a champagne rose.. hope he likes it.. i really hope he's happier where he is.. watching down on us.. i've never been a good brother and i guess i'll never be.. even to my remaining brother..

Well i guess i've been living in my own world of escapism.. Trying to run away or hide from reality, but the truth can't be further then my own bedroom door.. as i open the door daily i see the picture of my late brother staring me in the face... How do i fight my own demons when i'm outnumbered and being pounded all the time.. Facing up to my inferiorities, i struggle to juggle everything.. Not to mention being overly sensitive in recent times.. So how can i escape it all..Reservist was really refreshing.. getting away to a different world... Thoughts of do i really like army life and whether i should have signed up for this..

So i guess maybe i should blow up the coop and get out there.. or maybe i'm juz to comfortable
right now in this world i've built around me.. i'll juz stick to all those comedies and shows i've been occupyin myself with.. at least i'm happier that way.. An escape from reality?

Well am sick of Cristiano Ronaldo's antics.. he's behaving like a spoilt, arrogant brat.. well more like a slut...

Apparently he has rejected calls from his own old trafford team-mates and even fergie and has done nothing to give his colleagues, fans any degree of certainty as to where he will be next season... And he whores himself around and continues playing for portugal without a qualm? Apparently he now likes the "white" away jersey of portugal.. Hinting...?

So from prancing pony and diving diva(i love this line =] ) to world class footballer and who has helped him get there? other than havin the potential and natural ability?

Sir Alex Ferguson has spent the last four years transforming the Portuguese prodigy from just another wannabe into the best in the world and this is how he repays him? why does he seem so desperate to jump ship at the first chance he gets? He has more than 10years of playing time left, so whats the rush?

And Real Mardrid the bigger club? Bleahh pls.. they've failed to make the last 16 of the Euro champs league for the last 5seasons? So why would we want a swap inculding some of their useless players?? well one player i would like would be sneijder... =] so 60million + sneijder would be great.. =] then we could add a right back as well and maybe an out and out striker for another option upfront.. without touching the transfer funds for this season.. and offloading saha and silvestre that extra spending power..

Well with 60million i would go for Lahm for right back and maybe Eto, Huntelaar or Berbatov.

Well heres an interesting article:

Here are a couple of questions to test your sporting knowledge: 1. What is the current market price of loyalty? 2. What is the current value of a footballer’s contract?

'His young head has been turned by talk of him truly hitting the heights with Real Madrid. But how much higher does the lad want to go?

If your answer to both questions is either nil, zero, zilch, nada or nothing, then you’re ready for a spot on the local pub quiz team.

Cristiano Ronaldo has once again highlighted the disdain and utter disregard that big-name footballers hold on both issues. Loyalty has been thrown out of the window - along with last week’s engraved Nikes - and the young Portuguese wonderkid proves for the umpteenth time that a contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

It doesn’t seem two minutes since Ronaldo was burying his tear-stained face in the mud-caked turf of the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow in prone esctasy at Manchester United winning the Champions League. This, mind you, only 10 days after collecting his second successive Premier League champions’ medal.

Throw in an FA Cup winners’ medal as well and that’s not such a bad haul in four years, during which he has gradually morphed from a cross between a prancing pony and diving diva to a thoroughbred classic star on the world stage.

Funnily enough, Sir Alex Ferguson and the coaching team at Old Trafford might just have had a little something to do with that embryonic development. Not that you’d notice when Ronaldo is cornered on the subject of loyalty.

His young head has been turned by talk of him truly hitting the heights with Real Madrid. But how much higher does the lad want to go? Does he really believe that Real Madrid are a better club right now than Manchester United? Does he think that the £200,000 a week on offer by the Spanish champions is going to make a life-changing difference to the £150,000 offer on the table at Old Trafford?

He certainly isn’t going to improve his ability by changing clubs. Isn’t he with the champions of Europe already? Does he think life will be any sweeter at the Bernabeu where they haven’t won the Champions League in the last six years and can boast winning the last two La Liga titles only because of the paucity of Barcelona and Valencia?

No, the reason has to be money. And I guess the £6m-a-year contract being openly discussed would tempt any 23-year-old. And of course that would not take into account all his sponsorship deals and - according to his agent - the one apparent sticking point to his continued life at United, and that is Ronaldo’s commercial value to the club.

You may recall a similar situation when David Beckham went to Real from United and was able to negotiate a massive deal that gave him a huge chunk out of the souvenir shop till linked to the sale of Beckham shirts and other paraphernalia on sale.

And what about Ronaldo’s contract with United? It was only last year that he was given a sizeable pay rise for his signature on a new four-year deal. Does that count for nothing?

Ferguson is right to take the Madeira magician to task over his commitment to the club that has groomed him from day one, but it is hardly likely that Fergie will hold the club’s finest player to his contract and go through with his threat to make him sit in the stands for the next four years. That’s a no-win situation for all parties.

But it does raise the question of just how waterproof are the present-day player contracts. If they can be shredded so simply, why all the fuss about negotiating them in the first place? Why don’t clubs settle for rolling 12-month agreements for all their players? Sounds about as successful as the Child Support Agency!

So the big question is: will the quick step-over king realise the folly of a move at this stage of his career and take in all the advice from his mum and his OT mates to stay put? When mum flew in for the Euro 2008 championships a few days ago she told reporters that her son would be staying at United. Whoops! Did she let the cat out of the bag?

What must really be hurting the Old Trafford management team are the not-so-subtle suggestions that United are fast becoming a feeder club for Real Madrid – Beckham, Ruud van Nistelrooy and now, possibly, Ronaldo.

It’s time for Fergie to draw the line. It’s also time for Ronaldo to show that there’s more to his game than glitz and glamour. In other words, it’s payback time.

life and death..

As i lay in bed i began to ponder as always.. i think that at times my mind goes into an overdrive of unnecessary thoughts.. well i'm not talking about a wandering mind as in lying in bed and having flesh fantasies.. i'm not talking of cannibalistic tendencies here but of naked women.. wahaha... well guys do that don't we.. well at times.. when we're deprived..

well the thing that really bugs me is that death is always on mind.. and maybe i'm paranoid but losing someone has made me look at life in a different perspective.. i know that its hard for others to see point of view, thou some have gone through what i've gone through.. losing someone who is so young and who has so much to live for and losing someone who is old like 60+70+ is something totally different one has lived his life possibly to the fullest and the other yet to unravel the mysteries that lie waiting... but i wonder isn't it contradictory..... is life worth living? living this life, chasing material needs... having to go through crap.. so whats there to look forward to? having a family? more money needed as a result? more responsibilities? i know i may be a wee bit negative here but hey cmon enlighten me.. anyone?

well anyway today i caught a movie and in that movie there was this guy who told a story about life.. and basically the moral of that story was that

" it doesn't matter what you do in life.. but in the end we will all meet the same end.. as we are all here on earth for a brief sojourn... [haha i had too use that word! i juz learnt it.. lol..] but whichever path we choose or decisions we make theres really no point in looking back and regretting the choices we make.."

i would like to build my life around that quote and not regretting my actions.. but it will be hard not to have regrets as its plentiful in my life.. maybe i can cut down like go on a diet? =]

well i guess i'll go to bed now... and as for my dedicated readers.. or reader.. how was japan my dear? i miss you waahaha time for msn games again..! stop appearing offline.!

what is life all about?

Finally another post from Mr.Shawn.... Well today after having an early morning chat with a friend.. i've decided to blog about life and what its all about.... thou i'm nowhere near to figuring it out as i am still puzzled by its vast challenges and mysteries not to mentioned some of the gifts of lifes... Ermm gifts of lifes? what can that be? the 1st thing that pops into my head is that which pops out of a woman.. a baby.. what are the gifts of life?

i tink that the hardest thing to do in life is to love oneself.. its easy to love others.. but i tink its hardest to love yourself. Would you have need for a relationship with the opposite sex if you can answer your own emotional needs? i think that we seek love from others because we cannot answer to ourselves and that if you can't love yourself how can you receive or give what you do not possess...Do you have the courage to face yourself? to look yourself in teh mirror and love yourself?

i think its hard.. Even what you may say as love becomes ultimately corrupt.... as given by a post from a fellow blogger..

Selfishness in love’s clothing

What we call love is ultimately just selfishness. It is mere chemistry and biology. We see a partner, we think they are attractive, and our body calls for us to reproduce, but wait!

That is too crude. We must have rituals, games, courtship. One must chase, the other must run. We must pick the best mate out of those available. And so the whole game has developed. But at its core, it is just a biological urge, dressed up nicely.

Sometimes, love is about reputation. How good they make you look in front of your friends. How good they make you feel. What they can do for you. How much they earn. Familial love is often seen as purer, and that is true, but often it is just as contaminated.

Other times, love becomes a knife held at their throat. Your father has to provide for you; your mother has to buy you a car; your girlfriend has to sleep with you; your boyfriend has to buy you a ring. Because of that one word, that one corruption.

i took this off wikipedia..

John Major has his own idiosyncratic definition of love.

According to this version, the best sort of relationship involves both pints of beer and sex; a suboptimal relationship has only beer or sex; but love is what is left in the relationship once beer and sex are removed.

Haha great so show me the bed and i'll bring the beers..

Times have been harsh in fact it is time itself which is painful.. As the secs tick away so does the time i have remaining in my miserable life... or i should say the time that approaches for me to make that fortune of mine..

But its hard to go through daily life when every thought in my head is being filled with negative and sorrowful thoughts.. and its really a handful or more a mindful of shit i have to deal with.... like a friend said i wish i could flush it down the loo but then again if it was only that easy.. almost every other day i see my late brother in head.. breathing his last breath, the things he used to do.. i miss him... but if he only knew.. i didn't try hard enough as the eldest and as the "man" of the house.. i wish i didn't have so much responsiblities to deal with... plus i'm broke as can be...

And as the finals approach, i'm as unprepared as i can be.. I make study plans with people whom i know will cancel with me.. fuckin great if you asked me... why i can't i be as independent as i was once... why have i become so dependent on other people...

And as plans go cancelled once again here i sit, in front of my com as any man no needing any forms of foresight can predict...

what else can i be doing? watchin porn? playin games.? chatting? Reading sports news?

To think 20 days remain for teh 1st paper.. and i've yet to complete even the notes... dunnn talkkk abt teh past year paperssssss i wonder if i have time.......... God bless me.... and the soul of my brother... i miss him...

the only thing i'm looking forward to today would be the barca - man utd match.. hope we go through, thou we always seem to cock up at the penultimate stage...

Why Cristiano Ronaldo finally got his hat-trick?

How to lose that flab and get that six pack!

3 Mistakes to Avoid at All Cost
Author:Tom Gifford

If you are working out to develop six pack abs then you need to be aware of the three biggest mistakes described in this article and avoid them at all cost!

First, you need to understand the difference between getting six pack abs and simply losing body fat. Getting six pack abs is a all about having extremely low levels of body fat. For men this is around 8% and for women around 15%. Training and eating to get body fat levels this low is much different than someone who just starts a diet and wants to lose 20-30lbs.

If you are just trying to lose a lot of weight, then making small changes to your diet will help you make a lot of progress very fast. For example, if you were to only drink water, unsweetened iced tea, and green tea, then you will not be consuming any calories from beverages. For someone who just wants to lose weight, a small modification such as this can make a big difference.

For someone who wants to get six pack abs, the process is much more detailed. Here are two mistakes that most people make when they try to develop six pack abs.

Six Pack Abs Mistake #1: They try to do too many crunches and ab exercises.

While crunches and other ab exercises will help to build a stronger core, they will not help you get down to a low level of body fat. Trying to use endless reps of ab exercises simply does not build enough muscle or work your body hard enough to burn significant calories.

The myth of "spot" reduction is where a lot of people get caught up. The concept of spot reduction basically states that if you want to lose fat in a certain part of the body you should work the muscle underneath it. Our bodies do not store fat in one specific place, therefore you cannot lose fat in one specific place either.

I guarantee you will never see someone who has six pack abs in the front and is flabby around the rest of their midsection. If spot reduction actually worked this is what would happen. In the real world however, you need to focus on losing body fat all over in order to developing six pack abs.

Six Pack Abs Mistake #2: Trying to use infomercial ab gimmicks

When you see an advertisement for an "miracle" piece of ab equipment, the people who are using them usually have great bodies, low body fat, and a great six pack. However I can guarantee you one thing, and that is they did not get that way to using one single piece of abdominal exercise equipment.

Like we just talked about with why lots of crunches do not help you get six pack abs, the same holds true for any ab crunch machine or anything else you see on an advertisement.

This all goes back to the false concept that working the abs with lots of exercises will directly lead to a six pack. All the people who have the best abs got them by exercising their whole body and by adhering to a very strict diet. Not by using some ab crunch gimmick for "two easy payments of $29.95."

Six Pack Abs Mistake #3: Eating too many calories.

Sounds overly simplistic doesn't it?

This is one of the most important core concepts that is crucial to understanding how to lose body fat and develop six pack abs. So many people try to eat healthy and still have trouble losing weight. Sometimes they think they have something physiologically wrong with them and their bodies simply cannot lose weight.

Before you fall into this trap and start seeking "miracle" quick fixes, you need to know that not being able to lose body fat is simply a matter of taking in too many calories. If you try keeping a food journal for a week and counting the calories you consume you will be amazed at the insight it will give you.

Even if you eat 400 extra calories a day from little snacks here and there (which is not difficult at all), you will be taking in an extra 2,800 calories per week. For some people, taking in an extra 500-1000 calories per day can easily come from foods that are extremely calorie dense but do not help you feel full. Such foods include bagels, donuts, muffins, potato chips, soda, any kind of fast food, and more.

So before you think that getting six pack abs or simply losing body fat is impossible for you, try taking a few days to really track what you are eating. You will be surprised that losing weight can really be as simple as cutting out small calories dense foods from your diet.

A wise man once said that having sexy six pack abs feels better than the best tasting food in the world. Remember this concept and start taking action today. Good luck!

Man Utd in the hunt?

Well its been going around for a while now in the rumour mill, the newly dubbed " Van Nistelrooy" is apparently on wanted list at Old Trafford despite Sir Alex stating he will not be sticking his hand into the cookie jar this Jan transfer window... Hunterlaar or the 'Hunter' has been compared to Dutch legends Marco van Basten and Ruud van Nistelrooy, despite the still being relatively young at the age of 24, well ok not tat young but would be a decent acquisition to the Old Trafford outfit already with an array of talent on display.

Huntelaar has managed a staggering 53 goals in just 65 games, for Dutch Club Ajax and if thats not enough to get United fans drooling, Huntelaar is the sort of striker that Man Utd is lacking and out and out type that could work wonders with Rooney or Tevez along side him.

With news of the Ajax clubs financial situation, the fragility of Louis Saha adding to the lightweight situation of Uniteds strikeforce this may be the time to dip into the market for Sir Alex, as a rumoured 12 million pound bid has been seemingly placed.

But isn't a wonder why there are no other clubs linked with Huntelaar at the moment? If you asked me i would rather take on Hunterlaar then Berbatov due to his high work rate, age and i only thing that he lacks a bit of pace judging from his video but then again he is not that slow and i think he would make up for that by placing the balls in the net.

Elsewhere Man utds Angolan Signing has been hitting the back of the net for his country and lets hope his progress continues.. Also Darren Fletcher may be set for an exit.. Well til next time. and heres a video of the Hunter..!

Some wounds will never heal, no matter how much time it takes...

The scars will remain forever and right now its difficult to carry on.. i am lost within myself.. tears flow uncontrollably at times.. and i know not what to do, where to turn. I have failed you as a brother and as the eldest in the family. Nothing else really matters anymore..

i wish i knew for sure that you're well and resting up in heaven....

but one morning when this life is over i know i'll see your face, til that day i hope you'll be the one who open up the gates of heaven for me... See you again til that one day.. Words can't express what you mean to me, i hope you know but just wanna say i love you loads...

I love you Ryyan..

Ryyan Spenser
18/07/89 - 28/11/07

Well as some of you may know Ryyan has passed and its coming to a month since he left us... I miss my brother and i would like to say that i'm a pathetic elder brother as i was never there for him, never there to guide him or show him the way... He was a great boy with so much promise and yet he got lost along the way because of idiotic "friends" and now it has lead him to his final resting place... He's been cremated and his remains are in a urn at a church... its been placed in a niche...

i wonder how he is now.. for all the pain he has have been thru... i really hope he is in a better place now... Ryyan had multiple fractures; facial fractures, thigh and his right arm.. and he passed after his organs gave in.. but he was fighting for 10 days... why does god do this? make him suffer? The last thing he did was he had mum's permission before he left us.. My mum said to him"Ryyan if its very painful, then you don't have to suffer no more.. juz go.. we love you.." then his heart rate started to drop and the machines started to beep and he left us.. Somehow how rather i guess he can still hear us but his body was failing and there was nothing the doctors could do..

i prayed for him but i guess my prayers weren't really heard huh? So then tell me what's the point? Does he really hear you? I know it would be a bit contradicting.. If he gets well you would say that he would have gotten well anyways, forgetting God and if he doesn't you blame God..
Sigh so what am i supposed to do at this pt in time.. My life feels crappy.. i wish it was me in that coffin.. at least he and my youngest brother were closer.. i'm the odd one out.. he and my younger brother grew up together.. i'm just a selfish prick who thinks about himself...

My mum has to go through so much in a life, i wonder why he punishes her like that? Are these all just trials and tribulations of ones life? She has lost her husband and now her 2nd son.. so wats next for her God? why does he test us like that? Its just a game huh? the game of life....

I'm so far behind in studies.. i'm wondering whether to pull out.. now my ankle's busted and i dunno when it will be till i can walk again.. hopefully in a week or so.. i really dunno.. doctors say its a sprain but i sure doesn't feel like.. it feels like somethings broken or something..


Ryyan Spenser
18/07/89 - 28/11/07















Thats him on the right, prolly in primary sch.. I wish i can tell him how much he meant to me..
Well i hope you're in heaven smiling down on us bro, and when its my turn i hope you're there to open the gates for me... I'll always love you..

Ryyan is on the left... please pray for him..












Its gonna come to a week now and as i pen this entry my brother still lies unconscious in the hospital. It pains to see him in this state and i wish i could do more but theres nothing i can possibly do but pray... What did he do to deserve such pain? sometimes i can see tears in his eyes but i wonder if he can hear me or is it the pain he's going through.. i wanna share the load with him... please dear lord ease his suffering and pain, through your grace and will lead him back to us..

We lay in hope that he may awake yesterday but the doctors have sedated him again... His lungs have not been too good, and thou hes been getting better, the progress hasn't been exactly much but something is better than nothing. They might have to do surgery for his lungs n i hope that it wouldn't get to that stage, i'm praying that his lungs get better over this weekend, cause if not it could be a risky operation..

I love him so much if only i can tell him that.. I haven been talking to him either.. i've been so mad at him.. if only he would listen to me... what kinda friends would put someones life in danger.. hes probably the youngest in his stupid good for nothing group and now look at him.

everyones been giving support telling me to be strong for Ryyan and for my mum but how am i to do so? i have to be strong for everyone but what about myself.. ? i don't have an appetite and i can't sleep.. i know i look haggard and stuff but i don't really care what ppl think right now, its the least of my worries....

Another worry is that Ryyan hasn't exactly moved, thou when i was talking to him once i saw his eyelids move.. i hope he could hear me.. He has to be the strongest of them all and hold on and never let go..

i wish i could have been a better brother and i wish that i will get a another chance to be a good brother... i'm so sorry Ryyan that i couldn't be there for you when u needed me but you better get back home and give me that 2nd chance at being that brother..

Cant sleeepppp

And yet again i'm awake much earlier than required.. by required i mean i have classes at 12pm but here i am awake at 7am? but no excuses this time, cuz the weather has been really good, i would say its a heavy sleepers dream.. its been raining the past few nights and all the way thru to following morning.. and here i am staring at the raindrops as they land on this very concrete floor below me waiting to re-evaporate into the atmostphere.. Aww am i being overly melodramatic? haha... why i can't i sleeepppppppppp? and by the time it comes for me to get ready and leave for school, i'll start to feel tired.. Urgggggggghhhhhhh...

Normally i would blame the sun for bursting through my blinds, cause i don't really have curtains.. i just didn't like haveing curtains.. haha.. Maybe its time for some.. whilst i still can enjoy sleeping and waking up when i want to.. the next time i coould prolly do so is when i retire.. Well if the path of life allows me to get that far.. i certainly hope so... i haven even met the love of my life or maybe shes already left my life.. i guess i screwed up somewhere.. or maybe i screwed up all over the place.. i've been seeing so many mixed couples recently and it annoys me... well i wouldn't say annoy but i wonder why can't that be me... i loved her didn;t i? All those stupid feelings and emotions.. i realli don't wanna open up next time, time to bottle up and maybe be a jerk.. !

Just finished another movie.. Deja-vu, starring Denzel Washington well i think the movies not bad.. at least it helped me kill time.. but if theres a movie u wanna watch i think u guys shld catch.. 1408, i think its a really cool show.. Well till next time.. Adios..

Sex and its evilness... !

Well this post is about sex, sex and well sex.. so all those who squirm when it comes to sex and pretend to be innocent go away.....







"may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements"

Oh gosh its 3am and i feel so horny.. haha well thinking of all the pussy i could have had or should have had.. don't mean to disrespect any of the female friends i have, cuz i'm one who has the utmost respect for females, thou at times i'm not thinking straight or at least thinking with the wrong head as they would say.. Cant help it... hehe i'm guy aint i?

As much as i would like to say i've had been there done that.. i wouldn't say i'm slut or as some of you might refer to as a man-whore? As much as i wanna fuck around i can't seem too.. Why? I dunno?!? Apparently i'm not as promiscuous as i want to be because its a conscience thing according to someone i got to know recently.. and i think she might be right actually, well perhaps on a certain level.. well according to her, its because of the fact that i'm close with my mum that i have this deep respect for womankind... But can a guy really refuse sex? hehe

Well i can say i've fallen victim to sex and its evilness on a number of occasions.. Once it gets touchy feely and liquids are exchanged then it gets hard to turn back.. but i would say that i've backed out of sex a couple of times.. why? i dunno?

i mean its like i flirt with girls and you know when u watch the discovery channel and hey its the mating season and you see the male doing some mating call and when the female ermm.. agress? then we get to see some action but hey thats not obscene? Well its not like i can refuse a girl when shes on me and ready to get it on... but for the record i have! Anyway its hard to stop when u'r like "hard" but well... =]

Well so i've backed out on sexual encounters probably much to the dismay of guys out there.. who'd be wondering what? this guy gets a chance to get laid and hes backing out? Yeah i wonder why am i actually thinking in situations like that?

So like this are some occasions i've also backed out from..

1) Gal invites me to go to Bintan for a "break"

2) More direct approach from another was to ask me to go to a hotel with her..

3) Invitation to the house to watch dvds? Right i'm sure.. ok wait i'm sure dvds are no harm right? well theres the added info that noone will be home and that she'll be wearing a red thong..!

Somehow i get the feeling we wouldn't have been watchin dvds *chuckles*

Gosh its hard resisting..! I might just have to take the next offer that comes along.. =] So time for me to be the slut i always wanna be..!

Aloha peeps i'm back and posting like so soon again... anyway went for a birthday party last night.. well it wasn't the kinda party where u wld associate with chicks booze and sex.. haha more like one with lotsa kids, kids and more kids.. haha yes a kiddie party.. The daughter of me mums fren.. a family thats quite close to us...

For those of you who know me well you'll be glad to know that i met someone there last night.. And shes the cutest, and shes gonna be my gf.. Her names michelle.. Anyway heres the pics from the bdae last night.. and i'll point out michelle to you..! =]






Thats the Birthday gal...














And look at the adorable cupcakes!!! I managed to get 1 of the 3 choco cupcakes.. haha or at least what was left of it...








And thats michelle on the left.. The cutest gal at the party.. =]










Am i too old for her?? Sobss =[

Howdy..

Howdy ho bloggie and to all those who read my blog, including stalkers of this blog.. Cough cough..
Well schools been great so far, nice to be back in school ogling at girls... Glad to clear all my modules thou it wasn't exactly with flying colors.. i guess i shldn't be giving excuses, thou it hasn't exactly been a great yr for me..

Well it seems that i'm almost at that corner where i can put things behind me and move on, but you know me i'm not quite there yet.. i just need a kick up my ass to make me stop reminiscing on memories that drag me down.. i wonder why... How was it that i fell so deep? Got so emotionally attached to someone that it affected my life... So hopefully its a last sprint to that corner and hopefully i don't look back...

Looking forward to dating again, thou i hate the whole process... Ha ha. Thanks Ms Trophy for setting up that date or more like introducing her to me.. thou i don't really know if there would any chemistry between us for that part.. Well but shes hot and i kinda like talking to her so far... =] But i guess this is really the wrong timing with exams and assignments all coming up... I wonder if she'll like me...

So i don't wanna keep my hopes up... I guess just go with the flow, if things happen then they do...

Haha yeap and i would only refer to u as trophy cause i would always forget ur name.. hehe sorry.. I would like always go.. Ermm hey what's her name again?


And woo i finally got off my ass and exercised today.. waahaha but it was only a 3k run.. well my friend said "might as well dun run".... well i think its better than nothing... Slowly i would increase my mileage.. A few things i would wanna do in the next few years... Like complete another 21km and a full marathon.. maybe a triathlon or 2...

Anyway i think i need to get down to my studies.. i've been slacking too much.. so time to hit the books... til next time...

Mr Gorgeous

<---Hey Gorgeous Host "Lovely Fiona." Ooh la la.. Hot hot Its been a while my dear bloggie... Last night caught the episode of Hey gorgeous on channel U.. thou there were no subtitles to ease my misery.. it was quite interesting esp when jason was on the show for 2secs.. Well now that u'r a celeb do not forget me fren... Fiona Xie is hot as ever and i liked the chick with the permed hair.. she would have my vote.... =] Shes not the prettiest but i love her hair and her smile.. =] shes got a lovely smile.. haha Well i get to see in sch on occasions.. with that kinda funky hairdo its hard to not see her around, if u know what i mean... Anyway i find myself giving advice to people about love and relationships when i myself am like stuck in a hole... I lie to myself and to her that i'm much better but am i really? I find myself missing her so much... It really doesn't help to be strangers but i guess it would not help being friends either huh? Just wanna hold her again, to taste her sweet lips again.. sigh...when will all this feelings evaporate into thin air... I so wanna move on.. Thats what i tell myself but its not what I'm letting myself do.. I really felt that she was my soul mate.. but apparently she felt that relationships are meaningless... and that time is better spent chasing material possessions and furthering one's career and money making opportunities... Money is everything i guess.. perhaps if i was rich? Will it overshadow my race and gimme a better rate of being with her... Right now relationships all seem so transitory, everyones in a rs just for the sake of being in one.. to be able to feel special and loved.. and after a while it all gets boring and stuff but that was what normally happened i guessed but why was it so different for this gal? will i ever feel the same again for another girl? Only time will tell.. I've to get ready soon.. I'll be back soon bloggie.. Ciaoz.. I wonder if anyone reads my blog? haha take care everyone ... Mr Hey Gorgeous With 187 votes.. haha =] My Friend Jason with his 2 secs of fame..

Well i'm on the topic of love again... how boring right.. this fake commercialized 4 letter word...
Does it really exist? Its been on my mind and seeing one of my acquaintances nick on msn, i began to wonder again and the so called creative juices or whatever thats left off it began to mix around a bit and i began reminiscing times with her...

I remember how she used to tell me she loved me quite often and it was me who hesitated on replying because u wasn't sure.. and i don't tell a girl i love her unless i really do cause i know that girls happen to remember everything..!

Thou i did tell this one other girl that but it was not to bed her but she was my ex then and her grandfather was hospitalised and in a very serious condition so i told her not to worry and that i'm sure everything will be fine and told her at the very end that i loved her.. and i dunno why i said that cause maybe i wanted to give a sort of a assurance that things will be fine even thou we know not whats gonna happen, unfortunately her grandpa passed on. But anyway she brought it up when we were about to break up.. so see what i mean?

Anyway as for this girl, she was officially the 1st girl that i really felt what i thought was love...
So what it love anyway? anyone care to enlighten me?

I see it as just an illusion, the manifestation of the mind, makes you see someone as the person who completes you.. But is it strong? Well not really its suppose to surpass all boundaries but the very tiniest bump on this road and everything breaks down...

Ok i said i thought that i was in love... So how do i actually put it in words... Well i'll try..

Well i feel like a kuckoo but i'll try..

1st of all to "love" someone you got to like the complete package... by that i mean physical, mental and psychological lvl.. haha i make it sound so theoretical. Basically i think that its the physical appearance, by mental i mean like emotions wise and lastly their personality...

As for her i loved her complete package, she was everything i wanted.. hehe kuckoo in her own ways.. most of all i was happy with her and i know for a fact that most guys always look around for other girls but i think that when you're in love other girls don't matter no more.. you don't tink about cheating on her with anyone... and when you can't see yourself without her in your life and you want to be by her side 24/7... You never get tired of her and her little eccentrics cause it makes you smile and reminds you that you're in love.. =]

I'm guessing all these are just feelings that can be created by spending time with someone... or maybe i've just never met anyone that i could connect so well with on every level...

I'll just keep telling myself relationships aren't everything and i'll stick to being by myself for now.. Life in solitude seems much better... I miss my youth where noting and noone seems to matter... Wish i could just lie with her one last time and forget all the things that have kept us apart...