Ryyan is on the left... please pray for him..












Its gonna come to a week now and as i pen this entry my brother still lies unconscious in the hospital. It pains to see him in this state and i wish i could do more but theres nothing i can possibly do but pray... What did he do to deserve such pain? sometimes i can see tears in his eyes but i wonder if he can hear me or is it the pain he's going through.. i wanna share the load with him... please dear lord ease his suffering and pain, through your grace and will lead him back to us..

We lay in hope that he may awake yesterday but the doctors have sedated him again... His lungs have not been too good, and thou hes been getting better, the progress hasn't been exactly much but something is better than nothing. They might have to do surgery for his lungs n i hope that it wouldn't get to that stage, i'm praying that his lungs get better over this weekend, cause if not it could be a risky operation..

I love him so much if only i can tell him that.. I haven been talking to him either.. i've been so mad at him.. if only he would listen to me... what kinda friends would put someones life in danger.. hes probably the youngest in his stupid good for nothing group and now look at him.

everyones been giving support telling me to be strong for Ryyan and for my mum but how am i to do so? i have to be strong for everyone but what about myself.. ? i don't have an appetite and i can't sleep.. i know i look haggard and stuff but i don't really care what ppl think right now, its the least of my worries....

Another worry is that Ryyan hasn't exactly moved, thou when i was talking to him once i saw his eyelids move.. i hope he could hear me.. He has to be the strongest of them all and hold on and never let go..

i wish i could have been a better brother and i wish that i will get a another chance to be a good brother... i'm so sorry Ryyan that i couldn't be there for you when u needed me but you better get back home and give me that 2nd chance at being that brother..

Cant sleeepppp

And yet again i'm awake much earlier than required.. by required i mean i have classes at 12pm but here i am awake at 7am? but no excuses this time, cuz the weather has been really good, i would say its a heavy sleepers dream.. its been raining the past few nights and all the way thru to following morning.. and here i am staring at the raindrops as they land on this very concrete floor below me waiting to re-evaporate into the atmostphere.. Aww am i being overly melodramatic? haha... why i can't i sleeepppppppppp? and by the time it comes for me to get ready and leave for school, i'll start to feel tired.. Urgggggggghhhhhhh...

Normally i would blame the sun for bursting through my blinds, cause i don't really have curtains.. i just didn't like haveing curtains.. haha.. Maybe its time for some.. whilst i still can enjoy sleeping and waking up when i want to.. the next time i coould prolly do so is when i retire.. Well if the path of life allows me to get that far.. i certainly hope so... i haven even met the love of my life or maybe shes already left my life.. i guess i screwed up somewhere.. or maybe i screwed up all over the place.. i've been seeing so many mixed couples recently and it annoys me... well i wouldn't say annoy but i wonder why can't that be me... i loved her didn;t i? All those stupid feelings and emotions.. i realli don't wanna open up next time, time to bottle up and maybe be a jerk.. !

Just finished another movie.. Deja-vu, starring Denzel Washington well i think the movies not bad.. at least it helped me kill time.. but if theres a movie u wanna watch i think u guys shld catch.. 1408, i think its a really cool show.. Well till next time.. Adios..

Sex and its evilness... !

Well this post is about sex, sex and well sex.. so all those who squirm when it comes to sex and pretend to be innocent go away.....







"may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements"

Oh gosh its 3am and i feel so horny.. haha well thinking of all the pussy i could have had or should have had.. don't mean to disrespect any of the female friends i have, cuz i'm one who has the utmost respect for females, thou at times i'm not thinking straight or at least thinking with the wrong head as they would say.. Cant help it... hehe i'm guy aint i?

As much as i would like to say i've had been there done that.. i wouldn't say i'm slut or as some of you might refer to as a man-whore? As much as i wanna fuck around i can't seem too.. Why? I dunno?!? Apparently i'm not as promiscuous as i want to be because its a conscience thing according to someone i got to know recently.. and i think she might be right actually, well perhaps on a certain level.. well according to her, its because of the fact that i'm close with my mum that i have this deep respect for womankind... But can a guy really refuse sex? hehe

Well i can say i've fallen victim to sex and its evilness on a number of occasions.. Once it gets touchy feely and liquids are exchanged then it gets hard to turn back.. but i would say that i've backed out of sex a couple of times.. why? i dunno?

i mean its like i flirt with girls and you know when u watch the discovery channel and hey its the mating season and you see the male doing some mating call and when the female ermm.. agress? then we get to see some action but hey thats not obscene? Well its not like i can refuse a girl when shes on me and ready to get it on... but for the record i have! Anyway its hard to stop when u'r like "hard" but well... =]

Well so i've backed out on sexual encounters probably much to the dismay of guys out there.. who'd be wondering what? this guy gets a chance to get laid and hes backing out? Yeah i wonder why am i actually thinking in situations like that?

So like this are some occasions i've also backed out from..

1) Gal invites me to go to Bintan for a "break"

2) More direct approach from another was to ask me to go to a hotel with her..

3) Invitation to the house to watch dvds? Right i'm sure.. ok wait i'm sure dvds are no harm right? well theres the added info that noone will be home and that she'll be wearing a red thong..!

Somehow i get the feeling we wouldn't have been watchin dvds *chuckles*

Gosh its hard resisting..! I might just have to take the next offer that comes along.. =] So time for me to be the slut i always wanna be..!