New year...

Wonder what the new year holds for me.. one thing for sure is i'm hoping theres more money involved, as in not things for me to pay but i hope whatever it is my bank account swells up haha and not vice versa :] well money is the root of all evil so what? i'm evil so give me more i say...

What i need in the new year is just money i guess, don't require anything else... i'll give love a pass, never had any luck in it anyway... Unless she makes a u-turn and comes back to me which is highly unlikely i guess, i've tried i guess in vain but i got to talk to her one last time and i regret not saying much but i didn't wanna hear her cry or anything, her last words to me were ' merry christmas'. I'm just happy that she called me i wish we could talk again.

Anyway i'm gonna come up with a bunch of resolutions for the new year so watch out for them haha : ]

Hmm i think i'll just add them here

New Year Resolutions :

Have a balance of 10k by end of the year. $$$ keh Ching, keh ching !!
Get back my six pack with hard work... i'm getting fatter by the min.. :[
Get amazing grades..
Get her back in my life being friends.. :]
Spend more time with my mum...
learn to cook more dishes and deserts...

Thats all for now...

Boring christmas..

Well christmas was boring... a few frens came over for dinner at my place, juz to chill and hang out... hahaha...

Anyway wanted to play soccer today morning but it rains.. sigh... At least theres Epl later, Man Utd against wigan... Go Devils..! Hope Ronaldo bangs in more goals today..!!

Didn't wanna upset you, but i guess i have that effect... I can't help it i still feel so much for you and yet it seems that the only possibilty is to be friends with you.. but what will friendship hold for us?
will it have the possiblity that maybe one day i can be with you again?

I'm glad that you liked the gift but i never expected you to cry... I wish i was the same race as you la girl but i guess theres nothin i can do... Shld i go for a Michael Jackson kinda op.. I guess i can understand why he did it.. So he could be accepted by the white folks.... So should i change the colour of my skin to be accepted?

Anyway its christmas, lonely christmas... If only i could spend it with you... If only...
Merry Christmas and a Happy new year to all...

A new year, hopefully a new start

Well new yr is coming and i'll probably be all alone... Haha remember telling her we would do the chalet thingy again come end of year but i guess thats not gonna materialise... Anyway loneliness sucks, i'm not the partying type either unless u can get me drunk then i'm a different person, talk about split personality...

Wish i could spend the new year with my dearly beloved... Juz hangout and cuddle with her through the new year watching the sunrise and everything but i guess she has someone to spend it with.. :]

Well i hope the new year brings about great things for me and hopefully i can find the motivation and drive to push through and get good grades... Happy new year and a merry christmas to all...

snapping out of it

sigh i think i'm finally beginning to snap out of it.. been doing some fruitful studying of late and well alls good i guess.... i still miss her but thats that... Hoping i can meet her one last time but well i dunno if she'd want to ... maybe one last dinner together thats what i'm asking for and i would like a couple of photos together with her cause well the last 8 months together and we've not taken a proper photo together... ahaha and i dunno why but i never thought to do so cause i guessed i felt it'll never end but hey guess i was wrong ... anyway i'm off to cook dinner.. pasta anyone?

I can't hide behind this fake face that i've been putting on for long, i can't do anything til i have her by myside... i wish it was that easy... Why must she go? i would never have left her like that, i'm suffocating here... feeling all cheated and lied to...

Was it all pretence, just a show? I'm still holding on to the hope, to the chance that we might have better days together again... Its just a dream... It all feels like a bad dream, which i'm not waking up from... Shes been running through my mind every single day and theres not a day that goes by without thinking about her... what can i ever do to help myself... Move on? well easier said then done...

More bitching and moaning...

Well how shall i put it... theres one thing i realise that if the person you loved so much and you thought loved you back, hurt you so badly then why do you need enemies let alone friends? what are friends for? Right now i guess i'm at a point in my life where i'm wondering, do i even need friends? So when that one fine day, where i cease to dwell in this place we call home would i really give a damn about who goes to my funeral? well who gives a flying fuck... Why have funerals in the first place? everyones gloomy and shit just bury the person for gods sake, or might as well just incinerate his dead ass off the earth and save the space... You wanna memory keep a freaking photo why do u need a tombstone? if u realli need one then put it by your bedside... use it as a freaking table if you will..

I love her i really do, i don't care if people say i should move on and look for other gals and that i'll find someone better.. well i might but i just wanna be with her.. maybe i don't deserve her, no theres no maybe, i don't deserve her i'm just a loser with nothing in life... since everything is judged on materialistic possessions then i have nothing... I don't own million dollar assets, i don't have a 5 digit salary, i don't even own shit in fact i'm probably in debt in this god forsaken land...
Well i guessed it just hit me as i was blogging this entry, i'm quite pathetic in fact... I guess thats why you left, since you never gave me a proper reason other then citing my race, i guess thats it then... i'm nobody, nothing in life...