Self motivation..

Went for a motivational talk yesterday... It was called how to be a people magnet... Yeah you're probably thinking its to attract members of the opposite sex, well the talker did give a few tips thou haha. Anyway this guy is called Christian Chua and he's now 39 and has been financially free since the age of 29. For those of you who do not understand what this means, it actually means not having to work for another freaking day of your life again... Doesn't that sound great, especially in this day and time of singapore where we all just following one another into this so called routine of working and working but for wat? So we can have a better life?

Well i hope i can motivate myself more and be just like him. 1st and foremost i have to be more extrovert as i think i'm the type of person who likes to keep to myself and doesn't like to hang out in too crowded places... Well i guess i have to improve as a person and that theres alot of things out there for me too learn and improve myself in.

Mummy can i get a BMW Roadster pls

Well finally passed my driving!! Glad to have finally done so at least i don't have to do anymore driving lessons... Haha

Well i thought i was almost a certainty to fail again and find myself at the terminal booking my next test date. Thanks to Mr.Hong(the testor) again for his leniency and to my instructor Mr quek (driving instructor). Well i actually made more mistakes then the 1st test and i was thinking to myself, why the hell am i driving so badly... Stalled on the slope, drifted onto another lane while turning even had a fussy pedestrian who couldn't decide whether to cross the road or not, resulting in me having to do a sudden brake. Anyway its all over now and spent quite a bit...

probably abt 25 lessons, 3 circuits, 2 tests

25 lessons = 25*24 = S$600
3 circuits = S$180
2 tests = S$360
Total = S$1140

Man $1140 of which came from my own savings, from army days of course... Feeling quite broke now.. but well at least its over and now time to get a car haha... Mummy can i get a BMW Z4 M Roadster pls??

On my way...

Hmm i'm kinda moving on i guess, well kinda... Haha.. Anyway had a bit to drink and called her the other day and was hoping for a chance to get back together, but i guess she's stronger than me. I'll just let you be since thats what you want...

Anyway in view of a lighter note spent some time with the guys on sat, we went down to town and i finally got myself a pair of shoes, from beetlebug and had a 15% discount too thanks to Gang's uob debit card which had no money in it. Well it was tough fight between a shoe from zara and this shoe which i decided upon after much contemplation, probably much to the annoyance of ssfoo and gang. We even had to make a return trip back to wisma after i decided on that shoe...

Also sat down outside indochine and talked about stuff and also about ssfoo's dilemma with girls... Haha man don't worry... I'll be your hitch... Any problems just gimme a call.. Thou i'm feeling down now, i can always help you in that matter or at least hope to help... Well take care everyone, especially you my Narcissus...

suicidal dreams..

Arghh feeling so damn sian, its 5 o'clock now almost dinner time and i've not had a bite to eat since last night... I guess its just my ego... Kinda had an argument with mum.. well we didn't really argue but well i behaved like an arse. I'm feeling quite hungry now and i dun wanna go out and get something, that'll just be wasting my money... Ah feeling damn down, had a dream about committing suicide too.. Maybe death will bring some regrets to you for not having talked to me and ignoring me... Will it? will it be better off that way? Even mums not talking to me.. Noone is... Well i wonder if this suicidal tendencies will affect me.

Well so far i've been going on and on about how i've missed you and want you back. What have i done to be treated the way you are doing so right now? Even sending me and sms is hard now? waste of your time? i reallu dunno what to do? Am i to give up on you or come straight up to your house and ask your mum to let me love you, to give me a chance a look beyond whats on the outside? Is it reall your mum or is it just you, i'm starting to wonder? cause if its you i would have appreciated it if you were honest with me... I thought that the way we loved each other that we'll be together and i don't believe it if you tell me you don't love me anymore... Its all too abrupt and i'm just stuck here, in this chapter that just has no ending... I can't really close it, people say come on shawn, time to move on, you shouldn't have trouble getting a girl.. But whats the point? Even if she looks like you it wouldn't be the same... So tell me baby what shld i do?

Well i'm a catholic but i guess a not very good one at it, i've met a few catholics and asking them which church they go at they say they haven been to church a while maybe its just my generation. Well anyway people say they believe in the bible but do they really? i mean like have they really read the whole bible or do they just believe because its the right thing to do? Next time you see someone ask him/her if they believe in the bible and if he/ she says yes then ask them if they have read the whole bible, i guess they'd prob say no and so this brings me to the point that people believe in bible thou they have not read it...

So they're believeing in something that they have not even read... i guess its the right thing to do.

Its not that i don't believe in God or anything.. I do believe in him or her... I pray to him at times, but the problem is that sometimes people start to believe in God when they are in trouble, but right now i'm going through a bad patch i guess and i try to pray to him when i can.. We all should pray to god for guidance and protection no matter what religion we believe in..

A post for mum and guess who...

Juz wanna say that i love you mum, for everything that you've done for me... I know that i don't show it all the time but juz wanna say that i love you and hope i can make you proud by doing my best in my studies and what ever i choose to pursue in life and i know you're behind me all the way.

I wish you were here too exuan, by my side. Well what to do i guess you're like my favourite topic on this blog of mine. Don't even know if you've discovered it, well if you do i hope you know that i still do feel for you and i just want you back. I don't see why we can't be together... Just don't tell me its because of my race, i just don't accept that reason for i consider it to be so very lame. Well hoping you'll change your mind...

Been Puppeted..

Ah so how do i control this so called train of thought... As i sit down here in my room to study, my thoughts once again drift towards the girl whom i thought was to be mine and only mine... I'm angry, so very angry to think that one day another guy will hold her in his arms and love her like i do, and that i will never be able to feel her love again in my life thou i'm always hoping that one day she'll call me and tell me the words that i wanna hear so badly again, when i asked her if she loved me she said she did, if you can tell me that those words aren't painful then i know not what to say, for they still echo in my head... I still love her, i really do. Maybe for her it was a experiment kinda thingy, just for fun, i was her puppet to play hanging by those very strings that she the puppeteer controlled and now has decided to let go, cutting those strings off leaving me spineless and lying on the ground feeling so naked...

Everyday i think about you, i can't help it and i doubt i even cross her mind... I'm trying to keep myself occupied but times like these when you're alone you tend to think even more, thats when depression sets in... And i've no other output except for this blog...

Everywhere i think about you girl in classes, on the buses / trains, just everywhere...

Time to move on... soccer anybody?

Well i guess its about to time to stop bitching and moaning about my lovelife and to move on... I guess i'll just concentrate on my studies on prostitute myself around for now... If she doesn't wanna be with me and inore me then so be it.

Like they say there a lots of other gals out there and one day i'll hopefully find my very own special one... Haha, like Princess Aurora would put it, someday my prince will come, but in my case a princess. Well i dun need no princes in my life :]

Going for a game of soccer with some of my sim mates...
Anybody for a game of soccer... ??
<------

Take care
Homelessguy signing off..

Funny penalty kick...

Haha check tis video out... The loser in between the posts... Hhahaha

Gay boy?

Oh my god, how gay is this guy i literally had goose pimples chattin with him online... Well i guess i have to change his identity to protect him.. but man.... it gets awkward when a guy talks that way i guess...

Mr X says:

yo

shawn says:

yesh\

Mr X says:

saw your friendster

Mr X says:

u seemed really down

shawn says:

?

shawn says:

oh well

Mr X says:

cheer up dude

Mr X says:

life is full of uncertainty

Mr X says:

just have to take it a day at a time

shawn says:

Mr X says:

after many many years finally found Ms.X through ur account

shawn says:

haha

shawn says:

ok

Mr X says:

she still looks the same

shawn says:

isn;t tat gd?>

Mr X says:

she compliment u alot

shawn says:

huh?

shawn says:

on?

Mr X says:

she will stand by u wen u become a model

shawn says:

huh wat model?

Mr X says:

hugo boss

shawn says:

oh haha

shawn says:

testi huh?

Mr X says:

shawn seriously

shawn says:

she tok cock la

Mr X says:

i feel u got the looks to model

Mr X says:

at least got income

Mr X says:

serious

Mr X says:

chocolate hunk

shawn says:

haha ok Mr.X

Mr X says:

don get me

Mr X says:

not teasing u

shawn says:

yeah ok

shawn says:

heh

I just want bang bang bang...

check out tis song...

Link

The special day, born 23 years agon on this day..

What's this special day for, when that special person is no longer by my side? All you could manage was an sms, thou i wished you had called me.. It would have really meant alot to me...

I guess a birthday is probably something not really worth celebrating, it justs keeps you updated to the fact that you're getting older and fatter and in my case the fact that you're not with me anymore, i know i keep whining on and on about that fact so tell me how do i move on?

The 1st person to wish me was an old fren from kindergarten!! We have known each other since the, we went to the same primary school, secondary school and even poly... Nut ever since then we kinda lost contact... I guess it goes both ways... And in total i guess i've got about20 wishes probably less...

Its my birthday and i'll cry if i want to...

Well it'll be my birthday in abt 1hrs time, 1 hr 8mins to be exact... Schools begun again after last weeks ad-hoc holiday... well i can't really say it was an impromtu one as it probably was in my timetable had i taken the effort to look it up on the student portal, thou i think it wasn't really a holiday, it was more like the school had things to do kinda like in secondary school they gave us breaks when they had to mark papers and stuff... Boy i miss secondary school, thou i was a really a shy boy back then well i'm much better now, i think...

Well so i'm 23 tomorrow and i hate to say this but i'm thining of you again, just wondering if you even remember... And i just realised that all i have of you is that card you gave me on valentines day, the day we spent picnicing under the moonlight, boy i was in love i tell you, thou i could barely walk due to my operation, you went through the trouble of cooking something up, even thou it was probably your maid who had done so and i ordered a gift for you online, the little bear and the flowers... But still its only the card that is within my grasps, nothing else of material other than the memories i have of you and the times we spent together... I wish that i could spent this day with you cause its not gonna be very special without you by my side i know i have my family, but i would like you here too... i know that they will accept you regardless of your race or then again maybe i'm just assuming they will... but even then they cannot tell me who i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, its my life and i wanna be with somone i love... I hope that that person loves me more than you ever did and guides me the way you did. For if theres one thing i loved is that you always know what to do even when i was lost and you would always have the answer, i know at times i may have difficult so for that i'm extremely sorry.

If i have applied any kind of pressure on you then i'm sorry. I've probably said sorry to you countless times especially after we've parted. i've been angry, depressed, crazy etc etc haha
but i know you have it in your heart to forgive me, i pray that the next guy whom you gonna be with takes care of you and loves you even more than i did and is able to take care and protect you the way that i would have. Hmm but if we're both single at the age of 30, how about we get together?? haha :] ok maybe 30's too young? if i'm 30 then you'd prob be around 27... By then don't tell me you still have academics as your top priority?

ok its now 40 mins to my birthday... Whos gonna be the 1st wisher or does anyone even remember?

It hurts when someone who you thought loved you so very much says : i ' did' love you
Your "beloved" wordsmith signing off...

Missing you...

I'm probably beginning to sound like a masochist, is that even the correct spelling... Anyway its not as if i'm deriving any sort of satisfaction through putting myself through this kind of emotional trauma. All those times i told you i've never felt this way about any other gal is not just any facade, it was true maybe i feel even more strongly about you now then ever...

I miss you, I want to be with you, I miss you, to hold your hand in mine again, I miss you, your soft lips, I miss you, the taste of your lips, I miss you, the spark of life that's always there, I miss you, the smell of your skin, I miss you, the smell of ur hair , everything about you... Its just driving me crazy, i just miss you so much to the extent that i'm always crying... I know it may not be mutual, so i wish you just tell me to fuck off or something, tell em that you never loved me at all and that it was for fun, tell me you were out with other guys... tell me something that will break me and make me hate you, but i don;t think that i could ever.... Your silence is ever so deafening and is killing me softly...

You tell me you've got your priorities now, your academic life and that your parents blame me for your drop in your grades, but maybe you should explain to them that it wasn't really my fault, maybe partly but i never stopped you from studying and stuff, you were always going out and partying... I will wait for you if you want me too, i wanna be with you, i will work hard n study hard so i can give you a gd life so your parents will accept me... Just for them to be able to look beyond my race and accept me for who i am, for i am someone that will never leave you and will love you forever, i dun need the attention of another women i'll always be by your side.

i just want to have you by me, i know what i want... i'm grateful to have been able to be with you. but i want more i'm hungry for more. I want to watch you sleep at night and wake up to you in the mornings. I wanna see your smile again, i wanna be by your side when you cry, hold you in my arms and console you, to be able to whisper sweet nothings in your ears and to spend my life with you, but i guess it'll never happen... It'll all just be a fantsy never a reality, and in this fantasy i'll hold you and never let go....


P.S : For all those ppl who read this blog, pls mind the emo-ness i can't help it... I'm so tired of crying already , wishing i was back in camp with my buddies at least it'll be easier to get over with ppl around. U'll probably never see this entry but i hope you take care, my heart is in your hands...

Man whore...

I wan to be a man whore from now on... Working for a month has not proved fruitful enough with such a measly sum of money in my grasps... Maybe whoring myself around will fetch a decent price...

So anyone interested in a personal gigolo-masseur-houseboy-servant?? Hourly rates apply...

Is the picture too obscene ?

well cool ad by the way thou not a very appealing one for men with his dangling little penis there, maybe the product is aimed at men who are not straight... :]

Watch this guy move...

The evolution of dance, he goes through the various ways of dancing over the last few dacades... Mimicking ppl from the timeline of dance such as elvis, MC hammer, vanilla ice, N'sync and MJ as well. Enjoy.. :]

Best i ever had...

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right...

Men have a problem talking to other men....

Quote : Men talk, but rarely about anything personal. Recent research on friendship ... has shown that male relationships are based on shared activities: men tend to do things together rather than simply be together.... Female friendships, particularly close friendships, are usually based on self-disclosure, or on talking about intimate aspects of their lives.

Well i think this is so true, most men in fact probably all men do not talk about personal stuff to other guys, it the girls that guys seek to confide in maybe because its something related to the motherly figure kinda thing or maybe its just the " machoism ", you wouldn't wanna sound like a wimp and its probably the ego which stops you from doing so...

Anyway in view of a lighter note, my birthday is next week and you're not by my side, do you even remember?? . Even now i'm thinking abt you, wanna say so much to you yet i have to hold back. Anyways been shopping recently bought a couple of tops even thou i shldn't really be doing so in view of my depleted savings... working hasn't brought in a great deal of money either, juz abt $400 buckeroos. and i've spent 1/4 of it... sighs

Wanted to get a new shoe to but can't decide what to get, wish i could go shopping with you, haha you always had great taste or so you claimed... Haha remember when i first met you... i kept raving about your top, so much so that you told me to go and get one for myself...

Anyway i don't belief that you actually asked me if i had a new gf.. You know how much you mean to me. I will wait for you if you want me to.... I've no interest in being with another girl when i just wanna be with you... Well i mean if you really are seeing someone else i just hopeyou tell me and don't give me hope that maybe someday we can still betogether...

Well see ya, shawn signing out..... : [

Well its almost been a month now and i'm having trouble getting over her... What shall i ever do? Every single time i talk to her i feel like breaking down... why have i become so weak and fragile... I'm still thinking about her almost everyday, never been so emotionally distraugt before... Even when i try to keep myself occupied i tend to drift off thinking about the times we spent together... I don't wanna be with another gal, all i want is you back in my life...

(3 feb 06 - 07 Aug 06)

Wishing you were here....

I guess you kinda showed me the way forward to the next chapter of my life, kinda like a guide i guess... But you're sorely missed, wishing you were here by my side. Well if not for you i dunno if i'd ever got down to studying. You gave me goals and the drive to go on and do well, to do well just for you.. so that we can be together and i can give you a good life... And now that you've gone i just feel a little lost... After all the things we've talked about, you and i, none of it will probably ever materialise... So it looks like a premature ending to what was supposed to be a lifetime together, so i guess its " i'll see you around too..." like you said. You say you're worried about your future, well seriously who isn't ?? The standard of living here is just too high and everybody is going on just to try and keep up with it. But together we could have made it through or at least thats what i thought... Now it looks that i'll be walking this road alone. I pray that it leads me back to you.


Anyways i'm just sitting here thinking abt how i'm gonna do without you...

Wishing i'd wake up from this bad dream, everytime i open up my eyes......

Well you probably wouldn't even read this i guess...

P.S: Still Loving you... Please take care of yourself