Missing you...

I'm probably beginning to sound like a masochist, is that even the correct spelling... Anyway its not as if i'm deriving any sort of satisfaction through putting myself through this kind of emotional trauma. All those times i told you i've never felt this way about any other gal is not just any facade, it was true maybe i feel even more strongly about you now then ever...

I miss you, I want to be with you, I miss you, to hold your hand in mine again, I miss you, your soft lips, I miss you, the taste of your lips, I miss you, the spark of life that's always there, I miss you, the smell of your skin, I miss you, the smell of ur hair , everything about you... Its just driving me crazy, i just miss you so much to the extent that i'm always crying... I know it may not be mutual, so i wish you just tell me to fuck off or something, tell em that you never loved me at all and that it was for fun, tell me you were out with other guys... tell me something that will break me and make me hate you, but i don;t think that i could ever.... Your silence is ever so deafening and is killing me softly...

You tell me you've got your priorities now, your academic life and that your parents blame me for your drop in your grades, but maybe you should explain to them that it wasn't really my fault, maybe partly but i never stopped you from studying and stuff, you were always going out and partying... I will wait for you if you want me too, i wanna be with you, i will work hard n study hard so i can give you a gd life so your parents will accept me... Just for them to be able to look beyond my race and accept me for who i am, for i am someone that will never leave you and will love you forever, i dun need the attention of another women i'll always be by your side.

i just want to have you by me, i know what i want... i'm grateful to have been able to be with you. but i want more i'm hungry for more. I want to watch you sleep at night and wake up to you in the mornings. I wanna see your smile again, i wanna be by your side when you cry, hold you in my arms and console you, to be able to whisper sweet nothings in your ears and to spend my life with you, but i guess it'll never happen... It'll all just be a fantsy never a reality, and in this fantasy i'll hold you and never let go....


P.S : For all those ppl who read this blog, pls mind the emo-ness i can't help it... I'm so tired of crying already , wishing i was back in camp with my buddies at least it'll be easier to get over with ppl around. U'll probably never see this entry but i hope you take care, my heart is in your hands...