Happy deepavali

Well for those who do not know what deepavali is well don't ask me, for i always seem to stupefy. You could say that i've been celebrating this festival for 20++ years now but i don't really know what it actually signifies. Well let me think, its actually called the festival of lights and it signifies the defeat of good over evil, where a demon is slayed and so lamps are lit to celebrate this victory.. well i'm celebrating everyday here man, my lights are always on demonslayer, so well done dude.

But i dun really understand the concept here... well who gives a damn. Its not even a new year and i thought new years are supposed to be like the grand ones.. Cause according to the indian calender there is a certain date for the indian new year, just that i don't know when...

Anyway back to my life, i don't really believe in anything, so i just join in the merry making... by
right i'm a catholic cause of my dad but my mums a hindu... so where does that leave me? My mums the one that takes care of me and my 2 siblings as my parents are divorced and my dads run off after some bitch... I'm not really a firm believer of either but i won't say i'm a non believer... i just think that there is a godly being out there, so sometimes i just say a prayer to "god" whoever and wherever he is...

But like i say i just join in the merry making, anyway deepavali brings about the fact that you have to spend money on new clothes, groceries and bla bla bla... i wish i had money to give to my mum. i'm freaking 23 but i'm still living off her, i feel like a bum. I don't really take money from her i just ask for transportation allowance the rest comes from my part time job. One day i hope i can be financially free, so god i hope you read this : ]

Anyway my mum decided upon herself to get me clothes and mum i love you lots but please do not shop for me haha cause i think that all 4 pieces are quite bad.. well theres one thing i like to do is to don nice clothes and dress well... i know thats bad, guess its just the thing about looking good and fitting in...

anyway boring day... wanted to call her again.. haha yes my dear ms chai, still missing you baby... Like i said there are only 2 times that i've really cried and felt this way in my life one is when my dad left me and the other is when you left me... so i hope you know what you really mean to me cause i've never felt this way about a girl before...